Sunday, January 31, 2010

18 Days

Eighteen days. Eighteen days since my last period. It used to be one of those 28 days like clockwork things, then about three years ago, it shortened to 24 days. I don't know why I expected it to go the other way, to get more infrequent and then disappear altogether, but I did.
Intellectually, I'd prefer to be done with it, the mess, the accompanying mood shifts. I have heard many women get a burst of energy when it's over, and I'd like that. My mood shifts are not strong enough to be noticeable except in hindsight. One day a month, I'm cranky and tend to lose patience with my husband or son, but it's never a whole big drama. Still, I'd like it to go.
As soon as menopause is behind me, I'll be glad. I wish it would hurry up and be over. So far, I don't feel any need medicate or control this process, a complex feedback loop that will not respond linearly to any homeopathic remedy you might throw into the mix. It would be like trying to control the weather or push clouds. You might, in fact, make everything worse.
I have not yet desired to stop or turn back the clock. Not everyone feels this way, I realize, but I have not yet found a period in my life I'd like to set in amber and continue indefinitely. I'm always hoping for more--more information, more experience, more and different pleasures. And so far, I've been lucky.

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